002: wait, babies grow? / billie eilish covers
in this episode, arns is overwhelmed by a rollercoaster of emotions around her baby turning one. nins is moved by gaia music collective and the power of singing with strangers.
CONTENT WARNING: child loss
referenced in this episode:
Gaia Music Collective (@gaiamusiccollective) and their cover of Billie Eilish's "When the Party's Over"
0:00 - intro
5:28 - arns: baby turning one
21:02 - nins: Gaia Music Collective
episode summary
introduction
Welcome back to another episode of brb crying, a heartfelt comedy podcast where co-hosts Nins and Arns dive into the liberating world of tears. To open, they reiterate their mission to normalize crying: Arns recalls how a (nameless!!) friend apologized while crying to her, only to be met with Arns' encouragement to “feel it” because these two girlies refuse to shame anyone for crying.
Reflecting on the adrenaline rush of recording their first episode, Nins and Arns describe their post-recording excitement, with both admitting they couldn’t sleep that night (obvi). Arns reveals her pre-recording ritual in a pinched nasal tone (a feeble attempt to impersonate herself): “dear universe, help me to speak my truth and be authentic.” Nice.
The hosts also explore a whimsical, only slightly tangential idea: what if our spirit guides are bffs too, and they shake their heads watching us do dumb shit here on earth? Arns also unnecessarily brings up Pretty Little Liars (just listen, it fits somehow!!). Now that they’ve shown the world who they are through their introductory ep 001, they’re excited to get into the thick of it. Bring on the tears, baby!!!
arns' segment - baby turning one (6/10 tears)
Arns shares that she will be talking about her baby’s first birthday. Nins interrupts, “Uh, I’m already crying,” to which Arns replies, “Oh—please, please.” Cry level: solid 6. Kinda high, but to be expected because it’s a personal story. What can you do!
Arns recalls how leading up to girlie’s first birthday, she was in constant tears. The entire first year of parenthood was a clusterfuck whirlwind, filled with challenges and emotions that tested her in ways she couldn't have imagined. They say it’s hard, but it’s like…really hard? Her devil child has absolutely no chill, and sleep deprivation was just one of the many challenges she faced.
Arns recounts how exhausting those early months were: her baby would wake up every 37 minutes, which was really fucking wild. In her words: "hahaaaaaaa I can laugh now, but I was not laughing then." But she found solace in an online community of parents with equally spirited "dragon babies" who shared similar experiences and offered much-needed support. The only reason she’s still on Facebook, tbh.
Arns stares thoughtfully at the camera alongside the title, “reflections on motherhood one year in”.
Gift-giving isn't big in Arns' household, especially since they live in a tiny house and have snobbishly embraced a minimalist lifestyle. Instead of showering her baby with loud, ugly toys, Arns opted for a more heartfelt gift—a handwritten letter. She found a cute lil book called Letters to My Daughter that came with note card with prompts and envelopes for each letter.
The prompts were more like suggestions for Arns, who ignored them and wrote whatever the fuck she wanted. The letter is ~ private ~ (hello!), but she generously offers a sliver of it to listeners: "I love you so much it hurts, and if there's one thing you know in this life, I hope it's that." These simple words, she admits, are the only way she could capture the overwhelming love she feels for her child.
In a heart-to-heart with her husband, Arns mentions that the algorithm has been feeding her an alarming amount of content from a mom influencer who had experienced the devastating loss of a child. While Arns' heart ached for that woman, it simultaneously reminded Arns of the preciousness of every moment she gets with her own child (scarcity mindset, anyone???).
Her husband, in turn, shared a thought that both startled and comforted her: "If I only had 10 years with our child, I would be grateful for every day." This sentiment left Arns absolutely fucking reeling, grappling with the duality of cherishing every moment while acknowledging the perpetual possibility of loss. Arns describes the love for her child as unbearable. It's a love that changes you fundamentally, and your heart grows in unimaginable ways. Quite simply, you are not the same.
this child has changed me so fundamentally, every part of me. i am not the same person i was before this child.
-arns, brb crying ep 002
Arns' journey through motherhood has also opened her eyes to the new generation of parents who are determined to break trauma cycles and give their children the foundation they lacked in their own childhood. She feels proud to be part of a generation that really gives a shit about parenting.
Reflecting on her own upbringing, Arns recognizes that many parents from previous generations—specifically immigrant parents such as Nins' and Arns'—operated in survival mode, doing their best with the tools they had. With that said, sometimes what they could give just…wasn’t enough. We feel gratitude, yes—and at the same time, we have an immense responsibility to heal and put an end to generational trauma.
Nins expresses admiration for all the mothers in her life as they are essentially walking with their hearts outside their bodies. Arns interjects, screaming that she wrote that fucking quote down too, because whoever the fuck said that shit didn’t have to go so hard. The quote in question by Elizabeth Stone: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
Arns pulled this quote because she herself doesn’t have the words. In fact, she can’t even fathom the possibility of losing her child without spiraling.
“It’s absolutely terrifying. I think it might be the worst and best thing in the whole world…and I don’t think I’d have it any other way.”
Nins, the ever-supportive co-host, is in awe of Arns' journey and praises her for meeting motherhood with grace, humility, and honesty. She knows that Arns is not only raising a child, but also shaping a person who will have no doubt that she is loved. (Very important part of the pod: Nins says some sappy-ass shit along the lines of, "The days are long, but the years are short." Arns wonders, “Where’d you hear that??? I’ve never heard that one before.”)
Although Nins is not present in Arns' daily life, she is immensely proud of her bff. Nins admires the effort Arns and her husband have put into creating a loving and nurturing environment for their daughter. She is in awe of the way Arns navigates motherhood, even when it gets overwhelming. In Nins' eyes, Arns is not just surviving—she's thriving and loving every moment of it, even the shitty ones.
As the segment closes, they’re both crying (because this is a podcast about crying), and Arns accuses in between sniffles, "It’s not your turn. Why are you crying?" Rude as hell.
nins’ segment - gaia music collective (5/10 tears)
This week, Nins presents a lil music story. She kicks things off with a little c-c-c-context, because wtf are we even doing if we don’t first spend 3.5 hours on context?
Nins shares she will be talking about Gaia Music Collective, a New York-based music community founded in 2021 by Matt Goldstein. Matt, a professional a cappella singer and vocal arranger, created this collective with the mission to make music accessible to everyone. His idea took off with a series of one-day choirs that are filmed then uploaded to socials. The sessions are incredible, with some videos earning millions of views (and tears).
Nins describes how she came across one of Gaia’s videos on her FYP and was absolutely fucking DESTROYED her right before a Zoom call. "Honestly, sounds like your fault," Arns shares helpfully. The Business Insider article Nins references provides a deeper look into these sessions, where strangers come together to sing, connect, and support one another through the magic of music.
For each one-day choir, strangers sign up and gather to practice and eventually perform together a pre-determined song. During the vocal warm-ups, participants share the best and worst parts of their week—in one instance, someone shares that they just got diagnosed with cancer, and the group joins together to sing “fuck cancer” as a warm-up (uhhh? instant tears?).
nins glances over her shoulder as she walks out of the frame. beside her is the caption, “the power of singing with strangers”.
The collective isn't about showcasing professional talent, despite the fact that you MUST be a professional singer with at least 13 years of choral experience (lol jk that’s literally the opposite of their thesis). It's about uniting absolute strangers, finding joy and play in escaping the mundanity of every day life, and allowing one’s self the sheer pleasure and joy of singing with others.
Nins spotlights Gaia’s viral rendition of Billie Eilish's "When the Party’s Over," performed by 52 people in an old gym with unreal acoustics. She plays the video for Arns and, much to their surprise, they both cry.
After collecting themselves, she and Arns marvel at the diversity of the choir, noting how people from different walks of life come together to create something magical. Nins hints at the universe, "What I would do to be able to attend one of these." The two muse on how powerful it is that no one vocalist takes center stage during these sessions.
crying is not all about sadness; it’s not all about feeling helplessness or despair—it’s really just allowing yourself to be moved.
-nins, brb crying ep 002
Ultimately, Nins appreciates that Gaia allows people to create and enjoy music purely for the joy of it. And when she sheds tears during her countless replays of this video, she isn’t necessarily sad; she’s just letting herself be moved by beauty and connection.
As Nins poignantly puts it, “Crying is not all about sadness. It’s not about feeling helpless or despair. It’s really just allowing yourself to be moved by things and allowing emotions to overwhelm you.” She and Arns both encourage listeners to watch the video NOW so they can sob along and support the incredible work that Gaia Music Collective is doing.
conclusion
As they wrap up, Nins and Arns reflect on how giddy it makes them to share these weekly stories. Isn’t it soooo weird when you conceptualize a dream and it finally comes to fruition after years of pondering it and you, like, actually enjoy how it’s coming together? Nins remarks, “Truly like therapy but with your best friend.” (disclaimer: they are not mental health professionals and this in no way replaces actual therapy!!!)
They love that neither of them knows what the other is going to talk about—this is the kind of surprise element that two earth signs can get behind. They also love hearing themselves talk. As Nins declares, “Hello, we started a podcast. I hope to god you like to listen to yourself.”
Nins and Arns thank everyone for tuning in, reminding listeners to rate, review, and subscribe. "Please shower us with compliments," Nins earnestly appeals to the audience, and Arns threatens to shut down the podcast if they don’t get at least 100 ratings.
Listeners are invited to share topics that might make them cry or just send in their own sob stories. “Can you make us cry or not?” Arns somewhat jokingly challenges. They keep yapping (will they ever stop? only time will tell) about the joy of having a sacred space to share and connect every week.
Finally, the time has come, and they sign off with their signature promise to be back next week: “but until then…brb crying.”