009: these are my confessions / sweet summer smells
in this episode, nins reflects on Sue Zhao's intimate poem "Confessional" and accepting love at our lowest. arns basks in the sounds and scents of childhood memories with grandma through Michelle Sterling's When Lola Visits.
referenced in this episode:
Confessional by Sue Zhao (@s.m.zhao)
Other poetry by Sue Zhao: Subtext, Art we love, Call that love
Yahoo News article by Leigh Cuen
When Lola Visits by Michelle Sterling (@averyandaugustine)
Publishers Weekly article by Gilcy Aquino
0:00 - intro
11:52 - nins: "Confessional" by Sue Zhao
29:23 - arns: When Lola Visits by Michelle Sterling
episode summary
Intro
They’re baaaack! This week, Arns kicks us off with a succinct but not entirely accurate intro (“this is a podcast where we talk about crying and you get to listen in and hopefully tell us why you cried and…that’s it”). Nins gently course-corrects (“we are here today—as we are every Tuesday—to get into our feelings, get a little weepy, and talk about why”).
The hosts then get into the meat of their intro, explaining that brb crying is a space where they talk about crying and invite listeners to share their own tear-inducing experiences.
A significant portion of the introduction is dedicated to their "sob story" section, where they share messages and stories from their listeners. This segment underscores the podcast's commitment to creating a community around shared emotional experiences.
The hosts highlight three particularly touching stories:
A comment from Nins' sister about how the previous episode (Episode 6) resonated with her own experiences of breastfeeding struggles and watching Schitt's Creek during maternity leave. This story prompts a tender moment of reflection from Nins about seeing her older sister's vulnerabilities.
An anonymous email detailing a listener's challenging breastfeeding journey, which deeply moved Arns. She relates to the writer's experiences and emphasizes the importance of recognizing pumping as a form of breastfeeding. This story allows Arns to express gratitude for the shared vulnerability and reinforce the podcast's mission of connecting through universal emotions.
A message from their BFF Mar about her personal "crying journey," detailing how the pandemic forced her to confront and process her emotions more openly. The hosts use this opportunity to give a shout-out to Dr. Mar’s chiropractic practice because why not. They also talk about how people sometimes cry when getting adjusted or massaged because it’s an incredible release. (Science!)
The hosts wrap up this long ass intro by reminding listeners to send in sob stories—if you submit one, you too could have the pleasure (horror?) of hearing your story broadcast over the interwebs.
Nins: “Confessional” by Sue Zhao
This week, Nins takes listeners on an emotional rollercoaster through the works of Sue Zhao, a Cambridge-based writer who captured the hearts of Tumblr users with her poignant musings on love and relationships.
Nins introduces Zhao as a writer who rose to prominence on Tumblr, gaining tens of thousands of reblogs and notes. She describes Zhao as a "hardcore Tumblr girlie," prompting a brief nostalgic detour into the hosts' own Tumblr days as teens. (For those who are too young to know what Tumblr is: Nins encourages listeners to imagine “Pinterest's more emotional sister.”)
A common theme throughout Zhao’s works is “teenage love”, a concept Nins says we tend to dismiss as frivolous. She argues that these early romantic experiences are far from trivial, describing them as visceral and intense emotions that teenagers often lack the tools to navigate. This intensity, Nins suggests, is what makes Zhao's ability to articulate these feelings so remarkable.
To give listeners a taste of Zhao's style, Nins shares a couple of examples from Zhao's Instagram. One reads: "When I asked you to ruin me, she said, I was really asking you to love me. Later, when I asked you to love me, knowing that you never would, I was really begging you to leave me." Ummm sorry, it HURTS.
The segment's focal point is Zhao's poem "Confessional," which Nins describes as an exploration of feeling unlovable. She reads excerpts from the poem, which portrays a couple sharing moments of raw vulnerability, each confessing their deepest insecurities. “I am terrible,” one says, "I have terrible thoughts. I have terrible feelings." The partner responds with unwavering acceptance: "You are not terrible. I can feel it."
This leads Nins to reflect on a question posed in a previous episode about what one believes they need to do or be to deserve love. She opens up about her own struggles with self-worth, admitting that she feels the need to hide parts of herself she doesn't love. "I need to be likable all the time, pretty all the time, funny all the time," she confesses, echoing the insecurities many of us carry but rarely voice.
Our host emphasizes the importance of viewing ourselves through the eyes of those who love us, even on our worst days. She notes that the poem illuminates how true love means seeing beyond someone's self-perceived flaws. "We can't fathom that the people we love would ever dislike themselves," Nins muses, "but when it comes to our own reflection, it's so much harder to do."
Nins concludes with another powerful Sue Zhao poem. In the dialogue, one person says, "I love you, so I cannot bear to see the ugly sides to you," to which the other responds, "Can you really call that love?" byeeeee!
Arns: When Lola Visits by Michelle Sterling
This week, Arns takes listeners on a nostalgic journey through Michelle Sterling's children's book When Lola Visits.
Arns begins by recounting a recent trip to the library with her one-year-old daughter, Sana. While Sana was more interested in chairs (hello?? she’s one), Arns found herself drawn to the ethnically diverse children's books on display. She confesses to sitting there, voice wobbling, tears streaming down her face as she read these books aloud to her oblivious daughter.
Arns then introduces Michelle Sterling, the author of When Lola Visits. Sterling, a writer, photographer, and speech language pathologist born to Filipino immigrant parents in California, stumbled upon the idea for her debut children's book in 2018 when the scent of peaches reminded her of beloved summer smells. Arns notes the struggle Sterling faced in finding an agent, as most were looking for author-illustrators rather than just authors. This tidbit serves as a reminder of the hurdles faced by diverse voices in the publishing world.
Arns proceeds to read the entire book to Nins, painting a vivid picture of a Filipino-American family's summer, marked by the arrival and departure of Lola (grandmother) from the Philippines. The story is a sensory feast, detailing the smells and tastes that define the season: mango jam simmering, sampaguita soap, kalamansi pie, lumpia rolling, and the bittersweet scent of freshly sharpened pencils signaling summer's end.
Our host is particularly moved by Sterling's ability to capture the essence of childhood through sensory details. She reflects on how, as children, we primarily perceive the world through our senses; hence, certain smells or tastes instantly transport us back in time. Arns shares her own memories, recalling the "sniff kisses" from her grandmother, the music of wind chimes, and the sound of a teaspoon clinking against a coffee cup.
The conversation takes a poignant turn as Arns and Nins discuss the importance of representation in children's literature. They express their joy at seeing books that reflect their cultural identities, something they lacked in their own childhoods. Arns highlights Sterling's intentional blending of cultures, like featuring kalamansi pie on the 4th of July, symbolizing the immigrant experience of honoring one's roots while embracing a new home.
As she wraps up the segment, Arns recommends Sterling's other works and her blog, which highlights diverse children's books. She also makes a heartfelt plea for listeners to visit their local libraries, reminding everyone of this incredible, free (!!!!!!!!) resource that often goes underappreciated. Honestly, solid use of government funds.
Conclusion
By the skin of their teeth, they did it. Our dear hosts remind listeners to send in sob stories or cry recommendations. “DM us,” Arns encourages. “We get SO many—we get thousands of DMS a day. But don't worry, we read them all and we try our best to respond.” Love you, crybabies!
Until next time…brb crying :’)